Encourage and appreciate other’s spontaneity, and reciprocate with trust of these genuine expressions. Let us challenge ourselves with the opportunities for improvisation, and enjoy the natural development of this immediacy and alertness in our relationships. Great things happen as they are supposed to in spite of our desire to control them according to our wishes. Yes, each of us can smile and say, “How wonderful, it just sort of happened!”
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Mentors gently and subtly guide, rather than control, others. Encourage others to be more self-reliant and discover what is best for themselves. The exertion of control over a situation or person is emotionally expensive for all involved and exhausting to the one in control. It blocks visions and all creative possibilities. Controlling behaviors create a sea of mistrust, lack of cooperation, and a loss of faith in the mentoring process. Notice how much more powerful we feel when we choose to step subtlety out of the way and simply guide others without imposing our agendas. Only when we dare to let go of control, will we win the hearts of others and enable true learning and growth to occur.
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Let others find their own way by using very little intervention; refrain from manipulating, imposing morality, or coercing. Shed light through suggestion. Confucius in his discourse on education, states that the “superior teacher guides students but does not pull them along; urges them to go forward by opening the way yet refrains from taking them to the place.”
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Guiding creates an atmosphere that encourages others to think and accomplish for themselves. The Buddha says that the best way to control your cow is to not control it. Offer instead, a large, spacious meadow.
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When we plant flower, we do not pull them up so they can grow taller and faster—we allow them to progress naturally. It is the same with mentoring. Having personal trust is gratifying; do not abandon it even if things are temporarily unclear.
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The mentor will notice in what direction the mentoree wishes to go and gently suggestion ways to advance the goal.
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A mentor will enthusiastically tell other’s about a mentoree’s talents, using her influence to give her partner exposure and visibility. Knowing that his mentor believes in him, his confidence level rises.
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Mentors can excite and encourage others through example, by displaying great passion and spirit.
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Mentors enable mentorees to safely step out and risk failure, knowing that setbacks are simply lessons that help to guide the way. Often the mentor will disclose how he or she struggled and failed in the beginning and how these setbacks were positive opportunities to learn and forge ahead.
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The essential work of the mentor is to guide others to discovering this goodness within themselves and to help them follow their integrity as they reawaken to the inner truth of who they are and what they can do.
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By mentoring others, we become aware of the gaps in our own knowledge. Becoming dissatisfied, we realize the problem lies within, which causes us to feel stimulated to improve once again. The dance of mentoring and learning stimulates self-expansion. When we need to learn, we become open to receiving; once we have learned, we immediately become open to giving.
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All good mentors (giving, teaching) are continually open to being mentored (receiving, learning). To be a good teacher, one must be a good student... the crux of the Tao mentoring process, as we see it, is the Wu Dao dance between mentor and mentee, where each is involved with giving and receiving.
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The key to success in this mentoring dance is the development of “Te.” Te requires the additional letting go of logic, of the need to pretend that we know all, and of the desire to display ourselves as sages. It asks us to admit that we “don’t know,” which creates a sense of wisdom that never relinquishes itself to be fixed, limited opinions about what should be. By acknowledging this emptiness, we enter into a communion with our partners, creating potential relationships of deep understanding and openness to vast growth and change.
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Those who know they know not, become wise.
Those who presume they know much, stay ignorant.
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The mentoree asks permission of the mentor to risk and to be vulnerable. If we fall down or make a mistake, it is fine simply to feel our insecurity and plunge back in, with the mentor’s help. Now, go ahead and make a huge mistake, and trust that your mentor will help. Forge ahead, knowing that you are okay, able now to teach or mentor others who have fallen themselves... mentoring frees us to pursue life’s wonderful lessons without fear of failing or being exposed.
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Effective mentors guide with virtue, without force or effort. In an atmosphere of inspiration, trust, courage and harmony, where interdependence and personal strength are created, individuals begin to grow and become more aware, more conscious of their greater selves as well as the greatness in others.
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To create a safe environment and encourage open conversation... mentors listen with full attentiveness, not with their ears, but with their spirit, their full heart… ready to receive without judgment
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Persever during discouraging moments, in a deliberate, intentional manner. Confucius says that it matters not what we try to think or carry out; what matters is that once we begin we must never lose heart until the task is completed. To persevere, focus on the joy of the journey, the process rather than on the goal or destination. We need to be compassionate with ourselves when we seem not to be making progress. With all its twists and turns, its changes of direction along the way, the river eventually finds its way to the sea.
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Remember that things occur not when we think they should but when the time is right…. Mentoring helps us to realize that we all need time and space to develop according to our natural process, to let our lives assume their own shape. Mentors are willing to repeat and recreate teaching methods and patiently allow time for ingestion and natural development. The mentor savors the eventual moment when the sparks of the mentoree’s apprehension ignite to illuminate their mutual learning.
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Let us relinquish our attachment to outcomes; success or failure is not a barometer of self-worth. To be over-joyed at success and destroyed at failure is to become a victim of circumstances.
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Patience—sensitivity to adapt and adjust to each other’s wishes
Trustfulness- inner sense of trust in others and in ourselves
Instinctiveness
Non-judgment
Simplicity
Humility
Mindfulness
Perseverance
Attentiveness
Decisiveness
Kindness
Self-Acceptance
Integrity
Emptiness
Detatchment
Inner stillness
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Service
Modeling
Guidance
Empathy
Nurturance
Harmony
Viglilence
Cooperation
Interdependence
Yielding
Moderation
Enthusiasm for change
Joyful laughter
Spontaneity—to be present in the here and now
Centered Heart
Consistency
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