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"Beyond being a real person, what does it mean for an adult to be caring in a school context? It means remembering details about students' lives... It means being available for private conversations about nothing in particular."
"Educators who form truly caring relationships with students are not only meeting emotional needs; they are also setting a powerful example. Whenever an adult listens patiently, or shows concern for someone he doesn't know, or apologizes for something he regrets having said, he is modeling for students, teaching them how they might be with each other."
"The alternative [to punitive consequences], some educators assert, is to sit down with the student and work it out: get him to take responsibility for changing his behavior. But is that really the only other option? Both of these approaches identify the student as the sole source of the problem...
"Talk less; ask more."
"The problem was how students were behaving in the cafeteria, but the solution was not to discipline those who acted badly; it was to transform the lunchroom into a restaurant.... We no loger have a lunchroom discipline problem reports the principal, but we have achieved far more than that."
"The last few years have witness the appearance of still more programs that consist of doing things to children to elicit compliance (rather than working with children to solve problems and promote community).
"While it's true that kids sometimes test a sub, consider the possibility that what they're testing is not your ability to crack down on them and force them to comply. Maybe they're testing to see if you'll turn out to be just another authority figure or if instead you'll be the kind of teacher who responds with care and humor and respect."
"Ask [bus] drivers to be honest with kids, to apologize when they lose their tempers, to see the kids' help."
"Do we value students for who they are - or for what the do? One of the foundations of the working with approach is the relationship that a teacher nurtures with each student. Terrific educators are more concerned about connection than about control. ...The more challenging a student the more important it is to cultivate a trusting relationship with him or her. The use of behavior plans, punitive consequences, and the like will undermine such relationships. The willingness to persevere with care and trust is what makes all the difference."
teacher Laurie Walsh on a visit from one of her 8th grade students when he was an adult--- "He had been an angry kid, hard to teach, hard to like... I made your life miserable. Even when I was such a pain, you used to act like you were glad to see me the next day, he said. You were the only one who was ever glad to see me. I was a miserable kid at 14, I told him. I was mean, angry, mouthy, but inside I was frightened and sad. A teacher of mine saw right through it and kept on treating me with respect, giving me her time. I thought you might be a kid like I was."
"What kids most need is to know that we value them even when they screw up or fall short."
"It's easier to maintain [unconditional teaching] even with kids who are frequently insulting or aggressive, if we keep in mind why they're acting that way. The idea is for the adult to think about what these students need and probably haven't received. That way she can see the vulnerable child behind the bothersome or menacing exterior."
Principal in Ct--- "Our original goals were to control student behavior and build community, but along the way we learned that these are conflicting goals."
Educator Donna Marriot--- "If a child starts to act up, I have learned to ask myself: How have I failed this child?"
"Is it taken for granted that we should just change the student's behavior when he fails to comply, or is the possibility raised that the problem may lie with the adult's request, or with the curriculum?"
"Tossing someone out [of the classroom or program] does absolutely nothing to help that individual become more ethical or responsible."
"Robert Frost --- the best way out is always through."
"I don't see decision making as something granted to children conditionally, a kind of reward for compliance that can be yanked away when they act badly."
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