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"Learn to lead in a nourishing manner."
"Thirteen people sit in a circle, but it is the climate or the spirit in the center of the circle, where nothing is happening that determines the nature of the group field. Learn to see emptiness. When you enter an empty house, can you feel the mood of the place? It is the same with a vase or a pot; learn to see the emptiness inside, which is the usefulness of it."
"When you are puzzled by what you see or hear, do not strive to figure things out. Stand back for a moment and become calm. When a person is calm, complex events appear simple."
"To know what is happening, push less, open out and be aware. See without staring. Listen quietly rather than listening hard. Use intuition and reflection rather than trying to figure things out."
"Being a midwife: The wise leader does not intervene unnecessarily. The leader's presence is felt, but often the group runs itself."
"Remember that you are facilitating another person's process. It is not your process. Do not intrude. Do not control. Do not force your own needs and insights into the foreground. If you do not trust a person's process, that person will not trust you."
"Facilitate what is happening rather than what you think out to be happening."
"If you must take charge and lead, lead so that the mother is helped, yet still free and in charge."
"Clarify conflicts."
"Most people lead busy lives, but the wise leader is quiet and reflective."
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need."
"When I feel most destroyed, I am about to grow."
"When I desire nothing, a great deal comes to me."
"No other natural outpouring goes on and on. It rains and then it stops. It thunders and then it stops."
"I can look at a person and see both principle and process in them. I can see how they work. I can see them actually working. That is the basis of my ability as a group leader."
"I also know the importance of staying flexible. Everything that grows is flexible."
"Let go in order to achieve."
"The fewer rules the better. Rules reduce freedom and responsibility. Enforcement of rules is coercive and manipulative, which diminishes spontaneity and absorbs group energy. The more coercive you are, the more resistant the group will become. Your manipulations will only breed evasions. Every law creates an outlaw. This is no way to run a group."
"When the leader practices silence, the group remains focused. When the leader does not impose rules, the group discovers is own goodness.
"Learn to trust what is happening. If there is silence, let it grow; something will emerge. If there is a storm, let it rage; it will resolve into calm."
"Is the group disconnected? You can't make it happy. Even if you could, your efforts might well deprive the group of a very creative struggle."
"If you are attached or criticized, react in a way that will shed light on the event. This is a matter of being centered and of knowing that an encounter is a dance and not a threat to your ego or existence. Tell the truth."
"The wise leader see things almost before they happen."
"The greatest martial arts are the gentlest. They allow an attacker the opportunity to fall down."
"It is far better to step back than to overstep yourself."
"Advance only where you encounter no resistance."
"If you make a point, do not cling to it. If you win, be gracious."
"The person who initiates the attack is off center and easily thrown. Even so, have respect for any attacker. Never surrender your compassion or use your skill to harm another needlessly."
"Harsh interventions are a warning that the leader may be uncentered or have an emotional attachment to whatever is happening. A special awareness is called for. Even if harsh interventions succeed brilliantly, there is no cause for celebration. There has been injury. Someone's process has been violated. Later on, the person who's process has been violated has may well become less open and more defended. There will be a deeper resistance and possibly even resentment. Making people do what you think they ought to do does not lend toward clarity and consciousness. While they may do what you tell them to do at the time, they will cringe inwardly, grow confused, and plot revenge. This is why your victory is actually a failure."
"That is the way of nature: to relax what is tense, to fill what is empty, to reduce what is overflowing."
"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away a rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. The wise leader knows that yielding overcomes resistances and gentleness melts rigid defenses."
"Why is the ocean the greatest body of water? Because it lies below all the rivers and streams and is open to them all. What we call leadership consists mainly of knowing how to follow. The wise leader stays in the background and facilitates other people's process. The greatest things the leader does go largely unnoticed."
"The ability to be soft makes the leader a leader. This is another paradox: What is soft is strong."
"The wise leader is not collecting a string of successes. The leader is helping others to find their own success."
"The wise leader knows that the reward for doing the work arises naturally out of the work."
"Consider the lives of plants and trees: during their time of greatest growth, they are relatively tender and pliant. But when they are full grown or begin to die, they become tough and brittle. The tree which has grown up and become rigid is cut into lumber... Whatever is flexible and flowing will tend to grow. Whatever is rigid and blocked will atrophy and die." (151)
"It is not the leader's role to play judge and jury, to punish people for 'bad' behavior. In the first place, punishment does not effectively control behavior. But even if punishment did work, what leader would dare use fear as a teaching method? The wise leader knows that there are natural consequences for every act. The task is to shed light on these natural consequences, not to attack the behavior itself...[or] the leader will discover the instrument of justice cuts both ways. Punishing others is punishing work."
"If you don't trust the people, they will become untrustworthy."
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